Friday, January 18, 2008

Enough of the Madonna / Whore BS

I just have had enough of the crap that we as Nigerian males deal out and it is time we get called out on it. This whole libido severance shit in which we sort out women into Ije and Iyawo categories while we indulge our most crass and debauched desires at the expense of a cross section of women has to be blown wide open. I am not holier than anyone but help me here where are the real men these days. Men who take responsibility wherever it is rather than blame women for their choices. Ok what has me going on is the theatre of the absurd that is being played out by Obasanjo's son against is soon to be ex- wife. He seems an errant idiot of the type has not fully found manhood. He claims that his wife who he is fighting in divorce court was abused sexually by her father and that she in pursuit of business opportunities screwed his own father. As a result his solution is to swear an affidavit to the effect and also seek DNA testing of the children.

Once again I say crass stupidity. Is manhood that has majesty so alien to this person that he does not know that every child that was born during the currency of his marriage is his even if not so biologically. If he lacks male role models that can help him see this then sheer thinking should embarrass him . if after the test the kids turn out to be his children where does he go from there? How is it we no longer have warrior men who live for dignity, honour and the capacity to secure the future? His wife no matter how debauched was his personal choice no one forced him to marry her. He is the co-creator of the nightmare he lives. How does he take responsibility for that? He has chosen the most disgusting approach to breaking the back of a woman who he once shared intimacy with and thought to be the mother of his children. His thinking is not too difficult to fathom in a society where being a wife is the completion of a woman's humanity without which she is a fair game for all manners of proposition and pity. It is an attempt to put her firmly in the oversimplified whore stereotype since the Nigerian elite can process only one of this dimension of a woman at a time. Even if we assume the worst of the woman and find that there is enough evidence to support his claim is there not something here that totally makes her a victim of all the irresponsible males in her life?

imagine if it is true her father abused her , does that not truly shape her relationship with older men? A victim of abuse perhaps at a young age before she could actually form a real choice, does that not just frame the story into a tragedy in which men who have authority can continue to exploit her for their random pleasure. Then her father in law is implicated the ultimate father and ex president is that not itself a consistent role for her to capitulate too. Finally a husband and believe me I know about us . i wonder if he can pass the adultery abstinence test? Even if he does, then uses this facts to argue a divorce case in scorched earth attempt not pay some crazy alimony claim that will never survive a proper scrutiny before any credible judge. I think this woman has been totally failed by all the men in her life and if there is any shame to attach it should be to those who have, are and continue to try to exploit her .

Being a man is one of the few things I truly understand and respect. it is a source of great pain that in Nigerian society the quality of manhood is in free fall. if you cannot honour the woman anymore at least respect the memory of the illusion you once shared. Walk away and allow her to move on with her humanity and her motherhood intact. That is something that a real man automatically extends to anyone he interacts with.It is a mark of character or dare I say of Omoluwabi. If you do not then unfortunately it says more about you than it does of her. All this stuff has to stop . Women are entitled to their complexity and fuck ups the way we are. Until that happens it is a reflection that we are not yet the men that our society needs to be their partners for a better future. Check yourselves before you wreck us all.

By the way i still see women as my adversaries God knows they have their ways and they are not mine but the battle has to be fought with honour. Putting that stuff out their is just ugly.

5 comments:

Olukunle said...

Omoluwabi, your article really says it all.
For Gbenga to have revealed what his wife told him in confidence about her father sexually abusing her goes a long way to show that He still has a lot to learn about being a man and the responsibility that goes with it.
Even if a woman messes up, who does she messes up with?
Why do they always have to be the one to be castigated?

olu said...

Oga mi

I have not really followed what appears from your blog to be a tawdry state of affairs.
I think your piece as usual is insightful. However I do not believe it should be restricted to a narrow perspective of manhood but should include the extension of love.
I think there are times as human beings we lose perspective and forget that this is a transient life.
The motto of live and let live should rule our lives more often.
I doubt in years to come this chap will look back and wonder whether he covered himself in glory or shame!
Keep up the great work, continue to stir our conscience.

Have a blessed week

Anonymous said...

Omoluwabi,
you bring a fresh perspective to the OBJ saga. Many are so blinded by their anger at the former president that they refuse to see Gbenga's vindictiveness, immaturity and the probable irreparable damage it will do to the children who bear his name.

Sheila X..... said...

Here's a quote from "Eleven Minutes" by Paulo Coelho.

Taken from: Hymn to Isis, third or fourth century BC, discovered in Nag Hammadi.

For I am the first and the last
I am the venerated and the despised
I am the prostitute and the saint
I am the wife and the virgin
I am the mother and the daughter
I am the arms of my mother
I am the barren and my children are many
I am the married woman and the spinster
I am the woman who gives birth and she who never procreated
I am the consolation for the pain of birth
I am the wife and the husband
And it was my man who created me
I am the mother of the father
I am the sister of my husband
And he is my rejected son
Always respect me
For I am the shameful and the magnificent one.

Eni said...

Always stimulating and disrupting our traditional thought patterns. Eku'ise o!